My Bloody Valentine

Nope. This isn't a post about the late 80's/early 90's shoegazer/noise band, My Bloody Valentine, nor is it about the 1981 slasher movie, My Bloody Valentine (probably where the band got its name from in the first place) but the "bloody" greeting card 'holiday' known as Valentine's Day. Although named after an early Christian martyr named Valentine (of course), it has about as much to do with him as Christmas has to do with Christ. Thank the Victorians for putting both of these 'holidays' on the calendar and making them obligatory gifting occasions befitting retailers more than either recipients or givers.

This post is obviously from a guy's point of view. Men don't usually talk about 'the bloody holiday'. We either fall in line and acquiesce to tradition and bestow the customary love tokens on the object of our affection, or we ignore it completely. (And run the risk of landing in the doghouse.) Personally, I think it's unfair to guys to have to toe the line and submit to the traditional gifting ritual. But this is NOT a holiday for guys, and any benefit a guy is going to get out of it is purely coincidental.

Valentine's Day has its traditional gifting protocol tied to the Roman child-god Cupid, with his bow and arrow of love, and the (target) heart(s) so associated with the holiday. Traditional gifting is usually limited to greeting cards, flowers (usually a dozen red roses), a box of chocolates, or jewelry. All eligible items are intended to elicit a positive sentimental response from the recipient, in fond affection of the giver. The protocol can be expanded to include intimate clothing, a fine dinner, a romantic escape, cute stuffed animals, perfume, a gift basket, mink coat, taking in a(chic flick) movie or nearly anything that has romantic connotations. The appropriateness of the gift is proportionate to the relationship of the parties involved; that little juvenile card worked just fine for you in fourth grade, but a pearl necklace would have been way out of line, unless you were in schools like Page in Beverly Hills or Dalton in New York. Then again, just try giving one of those 'paper dandies' as an adult to the object of your desire and you're in a heap o' trouble.

By far and large, Valentine's Day is a day for females, more than males. Although the gifting is supposed to be mutual, the gifting protocol is heavily biased towards women and the kind of things they're supposed to like. (Sorry ladies, the boxer shorts with the hearts on 'em just don't do anything for us guys.) Unlike Christmas, all practicality is thrown out the window and if you're planning on getting her a gift you think she needs, it's probably the wrong thing. (Be sure to consider the weight of such a practical gifting item before purchase; it could have a serious impact on your skull when she hurls it back at you.) So it's easy enough for guys to select something within the protocol; consider what might elicit the best emotional response for a bit more than what you would normally spend.

Women actually have it a little harder in the gifting process on Valentine's Day. Although we'll accept your cards, boxer shorts (grudgingly), new watch, new tie, cuff links or whatever silly little trinket you want to bestow on us, there is only one thing we really want, and unless you're clueless, you've already guess it. Funny thing is, it doesn't cost you a dime, unless you want to 'dress it up a little'. Short of this, we don't need any tokens to let us know you love us, the physical expression is quite sufficient. Of course, the extent of physical expression is dependent on the depth of the relationship; from a kiss for a friendly admirer to wild passionate sex for the deeply involved. Of course, the appropriate reciprocation is usually left up to the ladies- you're probably not going to screw some guy you've been casually dating just because he gave you a bunch of flowers. But you might soften up a bit and allow the physical romantic expression to linger a little longer. If this doesn't feel comfortable, you shouldn't be accepting Valentines gifts from this person anyway. It's supposed to be a romantic holiday.

You can't really call Valentine's Day a real 'holiday' anyway, unless you make it one. The very concept of a holiday implies a day off of work. Businesses and government offices don't close on Valentine's Day. If you're a working stiff, your boss isn't going to give you the day off, unless you might be meeting him or her for a torrid affair. A housewife (or house-husband) might be given the day off by a generous spouse, but this is purely optional. the holiday aspect only has to do with the date appearing on the calendar, and the parties involved hopefully spending some time with each other.

If you're married or in a committed relationship, the celebration of Valentine's Day's is usually MANDATORY, unless you BOTH consider the concept of Valentine's Day a ridiculous commercial tradition. (Guys, don't second-guess women on this; you either know how she feels about V-Day for a fact, or you don't. If in doubt, err on the side of gifting. If you don't, there could be hell to pay, and it's a small price to keep the peace.) Most couples don't have that cynical attitude, although guys are more prone towards resenting being manipulated by V-Day's commercial aspects. Guys, don't expect any reciprocation either. V-Day is about HER, not about YOU. This holds no matter what the depth of your relationship is, and no matter what the size of the gift is. Although you might think it should, giving her a pair of diamond earrings doesn't necessarily guarantee an intimate liaison. It could help, but your best bet is to 'go with the flow' and see what happens. Expect nothing and you might even be pleasantly surprised.

Of course, if you want to double you chances of getting some Valentine's Day action, lingerie might be the best way to go. After all, women wear boudoir garb mostly for men (perhaps in some cases, other women) and unless she's not the type who enjoys this most feminine of apparel, it's a good bet she might want to try it on and try it out. A few caveats though: you need to know her size (guessing is the #1 downfall in this department, with the potential to turn a dream into a disaster), her preference (perhaps romantic over risque, but the better you know her, the more elastic this rule becomes), make it a 'supplementary gift' (in addition to one of the more traditional gifting items) because in a sense, it's more for you than it is her, no matter how much a woman enjoys wearing intimate apparel. The final caveat: if you haven't already been (or aren't yet close to being) intimate with the object of your affection, chances are that a gift of this nature isn't going to prompt that fantasy scenario you've been imagining. If fact, you are more likely to be shut down quicker than a porn website in Saudi Arabia.

So what if your relationship hasn't progressed to the stage of intimacy yet, you're unsure what to get her and you don't want to subscribe to the traditional gifting items? Well, there are quite a number other options at your disposal- a bottle of champagne; a smart-looking handbag; a good book; a romantic DVD; her favorite music CD she doesn't have in her collection; a nice figurine; an object 'd art; some scented soaps; a cool candle; a gold cigarette case (only if she smokes); a fancy journal; a photograph of her pet; or any other item that carries a sentimental attachment. Avoid gift certificates and items lacking that personal touch unless you're giving from afar. A cute teapot may seem like a good idea but it won't inspire any romance. Whatever you do, choose wisely, grasshopper, you don't want to end up playing the fool over an ill-conceived valentine gift.

So back to the 'Bloody Valentine' theme I started with, personally, I think the 'hearts' have got to go. I don't care for the card game, in romance it has absolutely nothing to do with the organ in the body by the same name (unless you count anticipatory palpitations, or cardiac arrest due to exertion from love requited) and it has a silly shape that only ever reminds me of "I Love Lucy". For guys, our concession to the lady in our life is to honor you with a token of our affection on Valentine's Day. Please honor us by eschewing the bloody valentine heart that is the silliest symbol of love ever conceived, the hallmark of crass commercialism.

Bonanzle- Heir-Apparent to the eBay Throne?

Today, a friend forwarded me post from The Digital Daily by John Paczkowski titled "eBay Q4: Letting Go of a Very Successful Past" that prompted me to the topic of why I believe Bonanzle is the "Heir Apparent" to eBay. World-wide household name that it is, eBay's crown as the king of online auctions and a global community marketplace has tarnished considerably over the last year, creating a mass-exodus of sellers, powersellers, and buyers. The spurious new policies of the colossus are plethoric- increased seller's fees; censorship of seller feedback on buyers; weak fraud protection; impossibly stringent regulation of seller ratings; arbitrary enforcement of certain listing policies; unfair limitations on shipping charges in certain categories; preferential treatment for large business entities and corporations; strictly limited payment options; an numerous other changes that have spawned nicknames including Feebay, Greedbay and Fleabay.

This disenchantment with eBay prompted a seller's revolt of sorts, beginning with the boycott of 2005 leading to the creation of 'Powersellers Unite', a site dedicated to eBay alternatives. While there is no clear major victor in the crusade to wrest the mantle and scepter of the Auction Titan, Bonanzle is poised to become the 'Next Big Thing' in the small to medium seller online marketplace, and it isn't even an auction site!

Why Bonanzle?, you may ask. It has a kind of funny name, a similar front page look to eBay, and a site motto that might allude to 'mostly weird stuff' ("FIND EVERYTHING BUT THE ORDINARY"). Well, to quote Bonanzle founder Bill Harding's Mission statement: "Bonanzle's goal is to be the simplest marketplace online, with an upbeat community that makes buying and selling fun again." That simple statement, along with Feebay's blatant disregard for those who have made them so much money has been the reason why so many ex-sellers of the titan have migrated over to Bonanzle.

I first heard of Bonanzle after reading the response to an article by investment mavens The Motley Fool titled "5 Stocks You May Be Thankful For" where they foolishly touted eBay as a good buy back on November 6, 2008. (Later on toward the end of December, the Motley ones reversed course with a much gloomier outlook for eBay in "The Fall and Fall of eBay".) It wasn't the article but the response to the article that piqued my interest; it was the very first time I heard of this Bonanzle place (with a direct link to the site no less), but certainly not the last. I decided to check it out myself, and after reviewing the site's policies, and scouring their community forums (where many ex-eBayers held sway), I decided that Bonanzle had a lot of potential and I had nothing to lose. My eBay sales had been steadily declining and their policies were putting a stranglehold on my financial future. With the economic downturn being such as it is, to go down with a sinking ship seemed the least prudent of all my options.

Bonanzle bases their marketplace concept on on 'stores', or 'booths' as they call it, where individual sellers set up shop for the items they sell. Booths can be merchandise-uniform (similarly themed and /or typed merchandise) or as varied as stuff you might find in an eclectic garage sale. Some booths have only a handful of items, while others have thousands. Bonanzle has some significant advantages for both buyers and sellers- no listing fees; payment options that include the acceptance of Google Checkout, money order, Paypal, or cash; the ability for a seller to import their items to offers a Bonanzle from eBay or Craigs List; simple 'One Page' item listing; a built-in realtime chat feature where you can talk to sellers live in their stores; the ability to display four separate pictures for each item listing for free (with a cropping tool included); the ability for buyers to haggle over prices by process of offer and counter-offer; a simple structure of final value fees far less than eBay; GREAT, EFFICIENT and TIMELY technical support, and a community of welcoming and caring people who aren't too self-absorbed with their own enterprises to offer assistance, praise and encouragement.

Bonanzle has only been in existence since June, 2008, a relatively short period of time for any major online enterprise. (How long did it take eBay and Craigs List to reach any degree of popularity ?) When I first came aboard in November 2008, Bonanzle had in the vicinity of 10,000 registered members. As of this writing, Bonanzle has over 20,000 registered member and is poised this week to break the million mark in the amount of items listed. These listings are NOT of "test' or bogus origins either, a practice that eBay was notorious for in order to inflate their listing statistics. Granted, some of the Bonanzle items may be "freebies' (some item you can get from a seller if you buy something from them for a price), but this accounts for a very small percentage of items overall, and is still real.

One unique concept Bonanzle has implemented is the use of a short-term sale event called a BONANZA. Kind of like a 'Blue Light Special', Bonanzle booth owners schedule a sale where many of their items are marked way down for only a few hours. If done correctly, this can generate a lot of excitement and a huge buying frenzy. Since Bonanzas are scheduled well in advance, you can always peruse the Bonanza list and time your visit to the booth of your choice appropriately. You can also be assured that a seller will actually be present in the booth to answer any questions you have in real time during a Bonanza.

Some Bonanzle sellers have also begun to experiment with holding their own auctions. Unlike the eBay auction, an impromptu Bonanzle auction doesn't last a week, and is usually a fast and furious affair. Depending on attendance and preparation, a Bonanzle auction can either be a riot or a dud. It is unclear whether Bonanzle will ever incorporate any permanent auction feature on the site. Right now, the trend seems to be geared towards downward pricing rather than upward pricing, and a number of members are opposed to the auction format taking over, fearing another 'Greedbay'.

To its credit, Bonanzle's marketing plan does not involve throwing huge sums of moolah into conventional advertising channels. Rather, they use a grassroots, word-of-mouth growth strategy. Bonanzle reward incentive for the top six or so members who invite the most users. (I was the recipient of one of those awards last month, and I'm still deciding how I'm going to spend my gift certificate.) Also, the Bonanzle team has been very effective at getting media coverage in such places as CNN and the like. Members are encouraged to do their own promotion, and Bonanzle's advice and assistance in this helps facilitate a seller's booth being listed with Google Products Search, and other promotional ideas involving social network sites and blogs that are investments of time as opposed to money. The Bonanzle community also offers promotional advice in their forums, and the forums can also be used as a way to promote one's business within the site.
Still, Bonanzle is not quite 'there' yet. In the uncertaintity of the economic climate, sellers struggle to sell, and buyers are hesitant to buy. No new enterprises have any assured sustainabilty and growth (except for maybe repo services, storage facilities and pawn shops) and the ability to 'hold on' while a new enterprise grows will put many to the test.

In the long run, nobody really knows what the future holds for Bonanzle, or other online marketplaces. As long as eBay continues their trend of seller alienation and buyer confustication as promoted by the current regime, their future remains dubious. While Bonanzle continues to experience exponential growth with a shopping environment that's really pretty cool, there is a lot of potential as long as it stays fun and a good, no hassle place to buy and sell. Granted, it won't satisfy everyone's needs, but then again, what ever does?